happy sad wednesday

Wednesday is Sean's first day of transitional Kindy. He is so excited to go, to be a big boy, to come home on the bus. For me I am so sad inside. He is my baby boy and tomorrow he becomes a Kindy boy.

I have had a little companion with me for the last 7 years with Annie being little, before Sean came along. I have always had a little person talk to me and to talk to, share games and play with, to cuddle and cry with. I have had times of frustration and wishing for adult company too, don't get me wrong. But I have been very blessed with my children. They really are good kids and fairly low maintenance.

He has been my shadow. With Kym working away off farm a lot, Sean and I have bonded so closely together. I will miss my right hand man, that little body sitting in his booster in the back seat, his energy, and most especially his unconditional cuddles and him telling me he loves me. I will miss that little soft smooth spot on his neck that I just adore. I'll miss his impish smile, that little evil laugh and I will just miss him for being him.

Even though transitional Kindy is only 2 hours once a week for Term 1, it is the first little step of him growing up and away from me. Away from my teachings, influences and guardianship. Away from my protection of him from the big bad bits of the world out there.

I am finding this so bloody tough to get over. Anyone who knows me well enough will know that I am such a soft touch and my heart is on my sleeve. In the past I have taken out my frustrations in a physical way. I am ashamed to say I have galloped a horse into the ground when I was very stressed with my parents marriage break up years ago. I dive into activities in a very deep way. So I am hoping to turn this into a positive. Another Mum has her youngest starting tomorrow too, and while the kids are at Kindy, we are riding our bikes. 2 hours of physical toil I hope will put my demon to rest each week, while I am separated from Sean.

I also popped Sean into his Kindy clothes and bag today so it wouldn't be so much of a shock for me tomorrow. And so Kym could see him in his uniform as Kym's working off farm tomorrow. He looks far to little to be allowed to go. His legs seem too thin, his bag looks far too big and he shouldn't just go. But I must let him. I must let my tight fisted grip on the apron string slip just a little bit.

Annie starts Year 2 this year and I am very proud to say she LOVES school. She is just eating books, and devours maths. I covered her books the other night. I found some beautiful pink flocked contact a couple of weeks ago, but sadly I was one roll short. And I haven't found any extras in any of the shops during this last week. I love contact. I think I have found an extremely easy knack of putting it on and I am proud to say her books do not posses one single wrinkle. No mean feat me thinks ;o)

I am dreading Wednesday.